plz talk dirty to me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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