In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
