am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
