I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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