So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
