Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
