If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
