I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Are my feet made of real feet?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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