woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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