there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
