If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
