Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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