bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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