tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The adults are the big ones right?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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