i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
