Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
