If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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