Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
