it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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