i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
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Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
