Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
