he puts the penis in happiness.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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