She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
