you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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