i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you would pick up someone in the library
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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