I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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