I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
