He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
