She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
