yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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