3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
