Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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