the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
