Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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