So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
