I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
