if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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