dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
