I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
