so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
