Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
