im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
