I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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