this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
