Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
