If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
