What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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