i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
