Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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