cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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