..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Life is so much better after having sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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