Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Green mimosas i think yes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
