1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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