hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
